lunes, 7 de abril de 2008

feelings, contradictory feelings

In English, this time...

Last night I was looking at the forum of Colombian potential immigrants to Canada, Québec and English Canada. There was the same discussion that I've read before: Is it worth leaving Colombian and start all over in Canada? Are there real possibilities to have a decent job related to our studies or it is all a big dissapointment?

Well, the first answer I read was very sensible. It is up to your personal experience and expectations. And it also depends on how good your actual situation in Colombia is. This last reason, however, does not seem to satisfy many people who consider that they can lose their job at any time and that they want to have a better future for their children regardless of their promising situation in Colombia.

I've written before (in my windows live space) that I was going to devote this year to study. This year is passing fast and although I try to take things as they come, it is kind of hard not to think about my future which in only planned until september 2009, when my scholarship ends. Canada and Australia have always been in my head. I would like to see how life is there and see if I would adjust well so I can move. But from another perspective, I would like to give back what I received in Colombia. This is however a contradictory feeling. What did I get from my country? a good pair of parents who are survivors of an long war that has struken their lives and forced them to move from their land. A war that in my mother's case didn't involve guns as she grew up, but injustice, work exploitation. An injustice that my father tells when he tells his life stories over and over...then my parents met and gathered their sufferings and built a life full of tiring work and non-stop daily routines with no vacation so they could pay for taxes, finish building our only property, a house, and pay for a good private education that allowed me to go to the only public university in my city, because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to follow higher education.

Talking to a friend who made me realize that I was somehow a patriot in the good sense of the term, I realized myself that all these feeling of giving back what I've obtained could change with the time. When I first came to Europe for a long sejour as a Spanish assistant in a high school, my other classmates and I tried to renew their permit to stay, they told me no and I didn't insist. I knew that with a university degree I would find a job in my city easily so I decided to go back.
My other classmates, I think somehow overwhelmed by the confort and lifestyle that Europe offers, decided to stay. Right now, I am just looking at the world out here and trying to make up my mind on what I really want to do in the near future. I have a strong Colombian feeling and my higher education there as well as my sensitivity has made me believe that a change in my country is possible. Time will tell if I am willing to contribute to the change I want my country to experiment or if I'll fly away like many other Colombians...

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